"Here in these deep city lights, girl could get lost tonight" ~ Sara Bareilles

New York City 2010

Still Waiting on that White Christmas

It is December 24th, and it does not feel like Christmas tomorrow.
Snow is minimal,
icicles are M.I.A,
and christmas movies are still in the hatch under the TV.

Where are you Christmas, and why can't Cindy Lou Who or I find you?

I miss the magic of Christmas.  Yesterday some friends and I went to the mall and decided to get our picture taken with Santa.  Let me just tell you, Santa was the sweetest old man in a glued beard and moustache that I have ever seen.  He asked us what we wanted and if we had been good that year;
he even gave us a candy cane! OH GASH!
This was the first time I felt like Christmas was here.
I felt like a kid again.
And that's all I wanted, was that feeling.
It lasted a whole 2 minutes.
*sigh*

I must get ready for mass.  First time I've been to church since god knows when. Yikes!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and a Happy New Year

"Seeing isn't believing.  Believing is seeing"

~ Judy, The Santa Clause

My Brand New Tumblr. Thank You Lili.

http://measuredchaos.tumblr.com/

All I Want For Christmaaaas is YooooooOOUU

A Reminder of Sorts

Feeling like shit is okay sometimes.
It reminds me that there are things to fix,
how certain chemicals don't mix,
how the sound of a guitar is so soothing, pleasing.
That no matter how much you are sweating your feet are always going to be ice cold.
That even though you have been staring at the screen for minutes, the clock has expired hours.
How sleep is the first thing on your mind but in fact the last thing you do.
How everything would be better if he was lying here beside me.
That always makes things better,
happier.
A little less, shitty.

Colonel Hathi's March

Looking around my room, I have come to realize that there is at least one thing on each of my walls that has to do with elephants.

And all of them are adorable and make me equally happy.

Especially Gilbert, he understands me.
(Is this sane?)

HI ADAM

SO,

That didn't end up happening.

Lawls.

How To Be A Vivian Sternwood

Halloween is soon approaching and costume ideas are passing by and I am just altogether running out of time.
I have gone through many ideas and one has stuck with me. 
I have just recently finished Sparknote-ing the book The Big Sleep and I have come to love the whole femme fatale theme.

SO
for Halloween, my goal is to be one of these ladies.

The sultry, the smolder, the red lip stick at 1:42 AM with a Photo Booth coloured pencil effect! *sigh*

Next step, how do dress like one.
I don't want to be, yea know, (sluty), but I want people to understand what I am...

Huh.
This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

Ohmagash

I remember getting this CD for Christmas in grade 7 and it being the only album on my MP3 player (aside from the entire RENT soundtrack [quite the range of music, if I do say so myself]).

And I loved it.  And it was the only thing I loved about grade 7.

*sigh*

It's Times Like These When Peanut Butter Would Be Nice

You know those moments when you play the "pathetic depressing songs" playlist on your iTunes, and then you catch yourself listening to this playlist when you aren't even depressed about anything, but you don't want to listen to any up-beat happy songs because its 2AM and you really should be getting sleep but instead you are on stumbleupon so you continue to listen to the "pathetic depressing songs" playlist, because really, what you are doing is actually pretty pathetic?

It's depressing.

When Life Gives You Epidermis...

      I have not posted for a very long time, and this is due to moving into rez and becoming an official university student.

      University, the point in my life which I thought would never come.  And let me tell you, living in the city has never been so satisfying.

      The people that I see on the streets is almost remarkable, since I would never see anyone so outrageous on the streets of my hometown, and if we did it would be a rare phenomenon.  I have seen Jesus twice, and his many followers everyday.  I have also met batman, an angel, and a living statue that always has pigeon shit on his shoulder.  I have seen the  man who stands silently and when you get close shoots his hand up and yells, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE".  I have seen street dancers and street performers and the bums and the rich and basically every spectrum of the social ladder.

      But out of all of these people, no one and I mean NO ONE comes as close as my neighbour across the the street.  I do not know his name, however, I have been calling him Simon.  So anyways, I first saw Simon on my second day here.  I was innocently checking my facebook, seeing how my friends were doing back home, when for some unknown reason I decided to look out the window.  There straight ahead, between the tiki torches and the numerous fake plants on this porch was Simon's bare keister.
      It was just out there and in the open for all to see (or just my eyes since we are 14 stories up).  At first I didn't realize what this meant until he turned around and saw a lot more than what an at-the-time 17 year-old girl should see from a 70 year-old man (where is the "viewer's discretion is advised"guy when you need him!), and it wasn't until he came out in his birthday suit again the next day that I realized Simon is a nudist, or very much likes being in the nude.

      I quite enjoy all of it really.  It's funny!  Like, who else can say that they have a real-life ugly naked guy living across from them!


"Hey check it out.  Ugly Naked Guy's got a naked friend."
"Omigod.  That's our friend.  It's naked Ross."
~ Joey and Rachel, Friends

Only The Good Die Young

“Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.”

~ Stephen Colbert

The Adventures of Banjo and Friends

Me and my dog, Banjo, have been on a search all afternoon for my writer's folder.
I'm in dying need of some poems for my blog, and some of my good ones are in this very folder.

It WAS on my floor in front of my mirror, but my mom cleaned up my floor so it is now M.I.A.
And the fact that she is gone all day doesn't help me.
Banjo really hasn't been doing his part very well.  He's been able to chew up my cover-up bottle as well as get it all over the carpet (what a goon!), we have to take pee breaks every 30 minutes, and he just looks at me with complete confusion as to why I am making him help me look for this folder when he is just going to tear it to shreds the moment he lays eyes on it anyways.

Anyways.

Despite the loss of this writers folder, I've been able to find my OUAC password (WOOO!) as well as this book of Doisneau's photography that my friend steph gave to me. so it's been a successful adventure is some ways more than others.
"Adventure, is a wonderful thing!"

No Bagel

I am really craving a blueberry bagel right now.
Toasted.
Cream cheese. MMmmmmmmm
If someone where to pick me up right now and take me to the nearest Tim Hortons or grocery store I would be the happiest person in the world


nobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagelnobagel

Instead of posting this on Morgan's wall,

i cried 3 times today, i don't even know why
im home along with banjo and hes sleeping on my arm 9i am typing this with one hand, ive got the one finger thing going, its taking forever0 and im super hungry but i cant get up or else i will wake him up and he looks to peaceful.

also, happy national chocolate eclair day

Pomp & Circumstance March No. 1

Valedictorian.
Wait, what?

Of all the great and poetic people in this school, they get me. 
There's just so much pressssuuuuurrreeeeI'm under pressure (doo da doo doo).

I was looking up some people's speeches online, and there are a lot of cheesy dumb ones.  I don't want to be that cheesy dumb one.
And then when I come along a really good one, I wish I had thought of that first and could have used it.

sigh.

I have never been so nervous about anything in my life (except for applying to Ryerson, I'd say the two feelings are equal).  I wish they just asked me to sing a song instead, that would be way easier.

"Don't stop never give up, hold your head high and reach the top! Let the world see what you have got, bring it all back to you!"

(That's going in there).

Well, there's nothing I can do about it now, I just gotta hope for the best.

"To infinity, and BEYOND!"
                               ~ Buzz Lightyear

Colonel Rant Rantington Over Here

I'm sitting in Writer's Craft right now.
I'm supposed to be working on my ISU, but I have no inspiration.  It's another blog, it's about high school, it's a hoot.
I actually made a post about how I have no inspiration. hehehe I'm so clever.
On the bright side of things, I enjoy looking around and watching everyone work on their ISU's.  Although everyone is doing the same thing, everybody looks different.  The one guy looks fed up with his work.  My friend beside me just said, "FML".  Her's must not be going according to plan either.
One girl is sitting biting her nails.  I like to bite my nails too.
Oh, my friend just said she's joking.
OMG LOL ROFL JK JK!

Quote, "Kid's shouldn't have to blow their nose with paper towel!" ~Morgan Coffey.
Morgan, I agree!

This blog is just a whole lot of ranting.  Rant rant rant rant rant rant rant

I just burped in class. I hope no one heard over their loud thoughts in their head!
How embarrassing!

I think I'm hyper.  I have to much energy.  I had a large coffee this morning. Mwahahahaha!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

I'm leaving to Guatemala tomorrow night.

Well, more like 2AM Friday morning, I'll probably not fall asleep though.
And let me just say,
IM SO EXCITED!!!
It has been impossible to study for my exams, for the only thing I can think about is this trip.
GAH!

That is all.
Stay Sweet Canada.

One Moment To Another

This is a story I have shared with only two people before.  I think I've mentioned it to some others, but not as personal as what I am about to tell you now.

My papa was a very important person in my life.  He was always supporting our family and friends, he was always putting others before himself, and he made our family so close; we were inseparable.
He was always looking out for all of his children and grand kids. Always.
When he passed away two years ago, it was the hardest moment of my life, and still is to this day.  He had been in the hospital for a few weeks before, and he wasn't getting any better.  I remember the tuesday before his passing my dad was on the phone with my uncle, and all I remember from the conversation was, "How much longer did they say he has?" and I remember my heart stopping.
His death was difficult for everyone. All the grand kids were only 2 days into the school year, and my aunt Laura had a baby on the way; 7 months pregnant. My papa's death hit our family really hard.

Death is something so perplexing, that to be able to understand why it happens is emotionally and physically impossible.  Still, people try to question it.  They curse at God saying, "Why them? Why us?" It's like a protest; the victims will march around with their signs arguing the injustice until someone gives them the compensation they are looking for. The victims are us, the someone is God, and the compensation we are looking for is to bring our loved ones back to us.  But we all know that is never going to happen.

A few days later it was my birthday, and all my friends pitched in to get me my first iPod (yes, it took me that long to get an iPod). I was so excited to put songs on it, so that night I loaded my entire iTunes library onto my iPod and started listening to it.  As I was going through my artists, I noticed this guy called John Dee Grahm.  I had never heard of him, so I asked my sister if she downloaded this song, and she said no.  I then asked my dad and he said he had never heard of him.  My entire family had never heard of this guy or of this song, One Moment. Curious, I decided to give it a listen.  These are the lyrics:

In the name of 53 saints, I will go search, he says. Seek out the hurt, he says, where comes as pain 

Could it be a whirlwind spinning in the dark, says, an animal in your heart, says, I will find the same 

In time, one moment to another.

With the baby that is to come, there will be no suffering. There will be no hurt, he says, for either or the one.
It will fall into this world as an easy thing. No mishappenings, he says the inner sun will come,

In time, one moment to another.

I've heard that shortly after a loved-ones passing you can still feel their presence around you.  It definitely felt like my papa was speaking to me through this song.  This was a sign from my papa, telling me that everything was going to be alright even though he's gone.  I was so shocked that all I could do was cry.
I cried every night for a month listening to that song, and then it started to slow down until eventually the crying stopped.  3 months later my aunt Laura had her baby.  She said it was the quickest and easiest birth she has ever had, let alone heard of. Naturally, I cried.
I didn't tell anybody about this until after my cousin was born, just in case the whole thing was in my head, although I did have faith that it wasn't. Every once in a while I'll come across the song, and to this day I still believe it his him talking to me, and there has been nothing to prove me wrong (believe me, I searched). My papa was always caring for others before himself, even in his grave.

You don't have to believe in heaven to believe in this story, because heaven had nothing to do with it.  Really, as cheesy and as cliche as this sounds, all you gotta believe in is the love between a papa and his grand-daughter.

I love you forever Papa, and you will always be my #1 hero. <3